If I had a pound for every time someone said to me, “that’s the way I am”, I’d be very rich indeed. My answer is always, no, that’s the way you think you are, and there’s an ocean of difference between the two statements. In fact, when working with clients, I often pick them up on their language, both written and verbal, not to be pedantic but to be helpful, since it’s often quite inaccurate and causes the client grief, which then impacts on their actions.
I’ve Had a Difficult Week
For example, one client wrote on his client focus form, “A difficult week.” I challenged him on this by saying that the week was not difficult, because the week is neutral; it’s just the space in which events happen.
So then of course he said that events were difficult. However, when we explored this further, the reality of the statement was, in fact, that his perception of the events was negative and he labelled them as “difficult”.
By analysing this statement, it’s easier to see that the labelling is done by the mind, which is based on the person’s beliefs which are often ingrained, subconscious and not necessarily true. Your thoughts, both spoken and written, come from your beliefs and then determine your feelings, your actions and your results.
By understanding this, it’s plain to see that if your thoughts are determined by beliefs which aren’t actually true, then the conclusions you come to and the actions you take will not be beneficial.
Our Memories are Merely Interpretations
One of my clients recently told me that she was not sure that her memories could be trusted and as her memories were the only truth she had, she couldn’t get her head around this. So I explained that memories are not actually the truth but merely an interpretation of events. Therefore, if an event is perceived as positive, that is wonderful, because then the memories are positive which feels good.
On the other hand, if the event is seen as negative, then the memories may be harmful and therefore have an adverse impact on the person remembering. This is far-reaching as our memories are stored in the unconscious mind and then used as a reference point when future events occur. I will explain more about this in the next article.
In reality, the event itself has no meaning; its meaning is determined solely by the person or people experiencing it. To summarise this, we can use the following equation:
E + R = O
Which means event + response/reaction = outcome
A Couple of Examples
Here’s a commonplace occurrence which you will no doubt be able to relate to. You are in a room with 9 others attending an event; although the event is the same one, each attendee will have a different experience based on their model of the world, how they feel that day and many other factors too. So perhaps your experience was that it was fantastic; however, it’s quite possible that some thought the exact opposite and others somewhere in between the two.
Let’s look at another incident. Say, for example, that someone has a fear of public speaking. It’s quite likely that they have had a ‘bad’ experience in the past. Often it goes back to childhood. So perhaps the person read out a poem or a story in class, stuttered over a word and some of his classmates laughed. This may then have been interpreted as something which is ‘dangerous’ because there’s the potential for ridicule or rejection. Depending on how sensitive the person is, the emotion felt will be more or less charged.
Charging What You’re Worth
Talking of charged, now let’s relate this to charging what you’re worth. You are at the point in your sales meeting when you are about to discuss fees with your potential client. You don’t feel confident about it and you remember previous occasions when you felt nervous. You start to think that the client won’t like your fees and you say something like: “I normally charge x but for you, I’ll charge y.” Y of course being less than x. You have discounted your fees for no reason and may well have given the wrong impression to your potential client. You have allowed your beliefs and your past negative experience to dictate the outcome of the new opportunity.
Alternatively, you may be stating the correct fees, but not feeling confident that the client will accept them, so you’re giving mixed messages. In this instance, there is a good chance that they will be rejected which will then lower your confidence further.
So Here’s some Good News
Conversely, one of my clients says that because of the work we’ve been doing together, that she is now charging top fees to her clients and getting them, whereas before, that wasn’t happening. Even though there are others in the marketplace willing to charge significantly less, (their competence level may or may not be as good as hers) because she now understands her value, both consciously and unconsciously, and has no qualms stating her fees, she is able to charge her true worth.
In the next article, I’ll look at how the mind works and give you some guidance in how to increase your awareness which means that you can have greater control in your business and improved revenue.
If you have any questions in relation to this article, please contact me on 01202 743961 or 07957 672335 or visit my Contact Vanessa Page to book your complimentary True Worth Strategy Session.