Self-Improvement | The True Worth Expert

This Is Who You Would Be If You Promised To Believe In Yourself

Vanessa Ugatti — Wed, 01 Jun 2016 16:30:12 +0000

WOW – this article is simple yet powerful and stimulating. It urges you to believe in yourself and take action accordingly. In my opinion, self-belief is the most crucial and often the most challenging quality which we need to cultivate to be successful.

Don’t hope to be, believe yourself to be. Let me ask you, who would you be then, who could you be now, if you were committed to living in that difference, that effort, if you believed in rather than waited for yourself? It’s worth asking because to have hope for yourself and to have belief in yourself well, these are two entirely different ways to live, to show up for your life.

Who would you be if you trusted in your capacity to prevail, to triumph through and through? Who could you be if you believed that no challenge could ever ruin you, could never not be confronted and eclipsed? What could become of you if your life wasn’t what you were constantly pinning yourself against but rather was what you found yourself forever being invited into? Yes, what if the world was on your side? How might you handle your days now, what would you allow for yourself if you were trusting in the state of all things, trusting that, in fact, the world has always and will always be on your side, bidding in your favour?

Imagine the chances you would take then. The chances you would take if conspiracy didn’t threaten your faith and future any longer, if you realized and acknowledged with both humble appreciation and absolute clarity that your world, and all the hearts and faces who’ve ever come and gone from it have, in the big picture, never been less than life’s great effort conspiring to distinguish you, to brilliantly define you in all your legacy.

Let me ask you, what if the point of everything, every little gain and every little loss of ours, what if it happens because the experience of it can help us become more substantial, more meaningful, when showing up as either a gain or a loss in someone else’s life?

We can leave others hoping that eventually something good will come for them, leave them hoping for that one person who will see that they, too, deserve to be treated like someone worth holding on to.

Wherever you are on that spectrum right now, that spectrum of being a gain or a loss in other peoples’ lives, what if life has always been about getting you to this point where you understand you have a choice in how and what and who and why you are, you have a choice in whether you live off hope or live through belief, a choice in which you inspire others to live with too?

How might your life take shape then, how might you begin looking to the world if you saw it as a realm which forever openly supports you, your healing, your growth, if you lived like everything is a choice, a choice to be or not to be meaningful, to be great? Would you let love in, would you allow yourself to love openly, boldly, or at least with more ease? How could you begin to, how much aliveness do you need, how much aliveness do you want, how much aliveness does it take to become all you feel an urge to be, all you feel you are called to be, all you’ve ever hoped and all you’ve ever quietly believed you really can be, how can you begin today to live as if you already are every bit of that dream?

Listen to your heart, to your roar, feel your momentum rise within you, hold on with the greatest and deepest breath you have and hear what is being asked of you, what you are asking of you. Don’t react.

Right now just listen to what your heart is after, believe that you are alive on purpose, that you have been made to create an answer for this single calling, this single roar, this single yearning of your heart.

Then, choose to believe, choose to promise yourself that you will keep your quest and question alive within you, promise yourself that you will add to everyone’s life and not just take from it. Now, step out into your life, into your promise, in a new way. The world will help you but, for it to, you must believe and live like you have what it takes to help yourself too.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me on 01202 743961 or 07957 672335 or visit my Contact Vanessa Page to book your complimentary True Worth Strategy Session.

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Read This If You’ve Just Been Rejected And You Feel Like Crawling Under A Rock To Die

Vanessa Ugatti — Sat, 28 May 2016 05:11:42 +0000

In essence, this article shows that rejection is a normal part of life and that we have two choices – one to try and avoid it by not taking any risks; the other to know that it’ll happen and choose not to focus on it when it does. It’s my belief that all rejection is, in fact, self-rejection, as we’re the one making up the story about what happened – the truth is – it’s not all about you. So when rejection happens – celebrate it – knowing that a) you must be a person who is willing to step out of your comfort zone and be rejected and b) it has nothing to do with your self-worth!

So you’ve just been rejected! Congratulations welcome to the club. Grab a nametag at the door and a drink to the right of the welcome mat. If you want to skip the name tag, that’s fine. We all more than understand the crippling sense of shame that you are currently trying to push down. It’s cool if you want to stay anonymous for a while. Your first stop in the rejection arrival hall is the Pile Of Irrational Thoughts. We all contribute a few when we get here, because carrying them around all night gets tiring. If you’re looking to draw inspiration from other Incorrect And Irrational Thoughts that we find being frequently contributed to the pile, here are a few that pop up often:

You are the only person that this has ever happened to and it happened to you because you’re not good enough. If you’d been louder or quieter or thinner or hotter or richer, this wouldn’t have happened. No one is ever going to love you again, not even your Mom.

Speaking of your Mom, she’s heard all about what just happened and she’s disappointed in you. Everything was fine and on track until you did that one highly specific thing that blew the whole she-bang. Everyone you meet is just going to know that this happened. They’re going to see you walking down the street and be like Oh something’s different. It’s REJECTION. I can smell it on him/her, and this will continue to happen for a very long time, basically until you die.

This is the only thing that has ever mattered and now that you’ve failed at it, nothing matters. All your friends and colleagues are sitting in a room together LOL-ing over the tweet you posted last week, vaguely referencing your hope that this would work out. You are not as good as other people and you are never going to be.

Everyone who has ever rejected you is currently just sitting around swirling scotch, cackling and thinking about how pathetic you are.Are you done rooting through the pile yet? Because this goes on for ages. The sheer volume of self-deprecating judgments that show up to berate us post-rejection are incredible. It’s as though every part of our mind riles against us, trying to justify what happened in the absolute worst way possible.But here’s a simpler, more realistic truth about why things happened the way they did:

Rejection happens because it just does.

It happens because your values are not aligned with someone else’s. It happens because the timing is hopelessly wrong. It happens because all the intricacies of someone else’s lives don’t always line up with the intricacies of ours and to be honest, life would be boring if they did.

If we didn’t occasionally fail miserably at what we wanted, success would become commonplace and dull. Its the trying that ends up mattering most. It’s the trying that pushes us in directions we’d have never expected.

But this is what we so often forget when we have been rejected: that we did not show up in a bad place. Sure, none of us wants to be milling around in the Rejects Hall. We want to be living it up in the Winners’ Corner, popping champagne and triumphantly updating our Facebook statuses. But the truth is, there’s a worse place you could be and that is the pathetic no-mans land of People Who Never Try For Anything.

The only thing worse than being a rejected person is being a person who’s never had to face rejection because they’ve never actually gone for something. Because they’ve played it small and safe their entire lives and now have no story to tell for themselves.

You see, as much as it hurts to be you in this exact moment, it hurts to be the other kind of person all of the time.

The pain of rejection is sharp but short-lived. The pain of playing it safe your whole life is a dull, throbbing ache that will eventually swallow you whole.

And so you see, it is good that you’ve arrived here. The Rejection Place is not somewhere that you’re going to stay long. Because people like you know better.

People like you know that when you’re feeling unwanted and let down, you have to act counter-intuitively. Instead of secluding yourself further and leaning away from your life, you have to get back up and try again. Take risks again. Put yourself out there again, even if it means chancing further rejection and disappointment.

People like you don’t let a singular rejection turn you into a timid, tired version of yourself who stays indoors and refuses to go after what he or she wants in life. Because at the end of the day, that’s the only real way to lose out. That’s the only true failure that exists.

So now that you’ve realized the reality about the position you’re in, I think it’s time you moved away from the Pile of Irrational Thoughts. There’s another pile of thoughts, in a better-lit room that I want you to check out. I call it the ‘Pile Of Things That Are Probably True,’ and it includes little reminders like this:

The rejection itself was not personal, it was the result of someone living a complex and nuanced life, which just happens to not revolve around you.

You got rejected because you tried at something, and in the long run, being the kind of person who tries at things is going to take you infinitely further than any individual opportunity ever could have.

Literally everyone you know has been rejected, at least once, in a way that really got to them.

This is also true of everyone you don’t know.

Your self worth is not contingent on this rejection. You are just as self-worthy as before, possibly even more so, because you pulled the rare and badass move of actually going for something.

In fact, if you are not getting rejected every now and then, you are definitely playing it too safe in life.

Trying for something plants a seed. Putting yourself out there plants a seed. Making your plans and intentions public makes them more likely to come to fruition, often when you expect it the absolute least.

If you hadn’t tried for the thing, you would have driven yourself mad wondering whether or not it would have worked out, which is ultimately worse than a one-time rejection.

You now have the opportunity to put this whole thing behind you and move the hell on with your life.

You’re still a sexy, charming, confident, badass motherfucker. Yes you are. This is a fact. I know because you pulled it from the Things That Are Probably True pile myself.

Alright now that you’ve sorted out your thoughts, it’s time for everyone to slap on their nametags and discover who else is in the rejection club.

Oh wow, would you look at that it’s everyone!

No, literally. .

It’s that celebrity you admire. It’s that guy you had a crush on in eighth grade. It’s the person you admire most on earth and oh hey, check this out it’s the person who did your rejecting!

It turns out nobody is immune from the odd rejection. No matter how hard you try, no matter how right you play it, no matter how qualified you are for whatever it is that you’re going for, you’re going to get turned down now and then. That’s just how things happen. That’s life.

I’d say that I hope not to see you in the rejects corner again soon. But to be honest, I’d be lying to both of us.

The most successful people end up here the most often, after all.

And I have a good feeling about someone like you.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me on 01202 743961 or 07957 672335 or visit my Contact Vanessa Page to book your complimentary True Worth Strategy Session.

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The post Read This If You’ve Just Been Rejected And You Feel Like Crawling Under A Rock To Die first appeared on The True Worth Expert.

Beating Yourself Up Won’t Inspire Change So Try This Instead

Vanessa Ugatti — Mon, 23 May 2016 05:01:25 +0000

This article is spot on and links in with other articles I’ve either written myself or posted. Focus on what you’re doing right and do more of that. This builds positive energy and positive feelings which means you are more likely to be successful and draw more good to you. The more you like and encourage yourself, the better you will do. So the old way of beating yourself up to make yourself work harder simply does not work. In essence, the message is value yourself, love yourself.

We are generally quick to assume that self-hatred inspires our greatest changes.We beat ourselves up about how our jeans fit in the hopes that it will force us to the gym. We bully ourselves about the promotion we didn’t get, in the hopes that it will make us work harder. We ridicule and blame ourselves for every wrong turn we take in life, assuming that the popular notion of being hard on ourselves will force us to do better next time.

We try to bully ourselves into better, stronger, more successful versions of ourselves. Versions who are strong where we are weak. Versions who are strict where we are lax. Versions of ourselves who have let go of all our negative qualities and have replaced them with ceaselessly positive attributes. Traits that we don’t yet possess. Traits that we only will and wish for. But there’s a fundamental error in this method of inspiring change and it’s this – nobody wants to work hard for someone they hate.

Once we’ve identified ourselves as our own worst enemy, we’ve already lost the battle. Shame is a downwards spiral, that will do nothing but keep us trapped exactly where we do not want to be.So next time you find yourself drowning in self-hatred, telling yourself that you have to get your act together, try this instead:You have to measure who you are against who you want to be, and rather than picking out the ways in which those two people differ, you have to discover which traits they share.If you want to be someone who is professionally successful, recognize the ambition you already possess.

If you want to be someone who is confident in love, recognize the genuineness you already apply to relationships.If you want to be rich, famous, accomplished or otherwise exceptional, recognize your drive to do big, huge things. Recognize that all the skills you need to become the person you want to be are already inside of you – they just require a bit of application and encouragement.

Because the truth about personal transformation is that it cannot happen if you feel as though you’re fighting with yourself every step of the way. Nobody wants to work for their worst enemy. Nobody wants to help out a person they hate. The truth is, we fight the longest and hardest for people we love the most. Now, imagine if the person you loved the most was yourself.

Imagine how hard you would fight for that person to accomplish their goals, to get them to that finish line, to see them soar and succeed with flying colours. You wouldn’t mind putting instant gratification on the backburner for them. You wouldn’t mind stepping outside your comfort zone to make great things happen for them. You would take whatever risks were necessary. You’d show the hell up for them, time after time after time. Because that’s what we do for the people we love.We fight for them. We believe in them. We do whatever it takes to help them persevere and succeed.

And if you could only stop beating yourself up long enough to realize it, you’d discover that you’re already ready to take those big, huge risks in life and that all along, the only thing standing in your way has been you.

If you have any questions, please contact me on 01202 743961 or 07957 672335 or visit my Contact Vanessa Page to book your complimentary True Worth Strategy Session.

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The post Beating Yourself Up Won’t Inspire Change So Try This Instead first appeared on The True Worth Expert.

The Power Of You: 8 Little Ways To Let Your Fun Side Shine Through

Vanessa Ugatti — Wed, 18 May 2016 05:25:15 +0000

This article needs very little preamble, as it’s self-explanatory. Stop worrying about what others think about you; the most important person in your life is YOU. If you’re going to worry at all, worry about what you think about you. Better still, just accept yourself and enjoy who you are, without judgement. Value yourself and love yourself just the way you are.

Life is too short to be anyone but yourself, and trying to be someone else is exhausting. In the age of playing it cool, we often forget one of the coolest things a person can do, be themselves. Staying true to who you are even when you’re questioning it the most, not only makes you a happier person, it makes you more fun to be around, all quirks included! In partnership with SKYY Infusions and their true-to-fruit flavors, embrace your true self with these 8 little ways to let your fun side shine through!

1. Wear what you want to wear because you want to wear it.

When you’re second guessing your wardrobe decision after you show up to a party where everyone is dressed like Plain Jane and Average Joe, DON’T! If you want to rock neon jeans, GO FOR IT. If you enjoy your wardrobe and feel confident while doing so, that’s all that matters. Don’t let approval from your peers hinder your self-expression! Everyone has their own sense of style, and you have every right to express yours just the way you want to.

2. Dance like no one is watching.

And sing like no one is listening. There’s far too many important things to worry about than whether or not others are judging you because you can’t twerk. If you dance like a middle-aged dad, own it (Drake did). Everyone else is most likely thinking more about themselves than you. Be the person who dances like they’re by themselves in a room of people.

3. Don’t read the comments.

If your fun little self is also a tad-bit sensitive, negative comments can really get you down. Everyone has moments when outsiders comments fill them with self-doubt and second guessing, but you can’t control the way others see you, you can only control the way you see yourself. Accept that not everyone is going to agree with you 100 percent of the time, and you don’t need to alter your opinions, expressions, or beliefs to do so. You are your own person, and there is only one of you in this universe, the world would be missing out if you allowed the negative comments to hinder your fun-loving, expressive self! Throw the negative comments to the wind and fill your life with positivity because that is when you’ll be authentically yourself, and that is when your fun side will fully shine through.

4. Define yourself, don’t let others define you.

Labels are for Tupperware and file cabinets. Wearing a fedora doesnt automatically make you a hipster, and participating in cross-fit doesn’t automatically make you a jock. Labels are limits, and they create boundaries for ourselves that we become scared to cross. Don’t fear crossing a line that someone else made for you. There are multiple facets to your personality and each one of them is something to embrace. You won’t fit into just one check-box and you certainly don’t have to. Make your own definition of who you are and who you want to be.

5. Find balance.

Sometimes life likes to tip the scales and we feel we can only fully accept and support one part of ourselves. Whether its career, school, a relationship, or any other seemingly uncontrollable factor in our daily lives, we might not be able to have it all at once, but we can have a little bit of everything in moderation. Easier said than done, but finding the smallest bit of balance allows you to embrace every part of you and your life.

6. Be unapologetic.

Be unapologetically yourself, because that is the best self you can be! When you sporadically snort while laughing, or trip over your own two feet while walking up the stairs, don’t apologize, just do you. Your quirkiness and peculiarities are all a part of what makes you so special. No one is completely put-together, sometimes a messy life is a fun one.

7. Live without filters.

Instagram isn’t the only thing that’s filtering our lives. Sometimes we become a real-life walking Valencia (or X-Pro II, Earlybird, whatever your preference is). Filters, and not just the Instagram kind are meant to blur your imperfections, but really they’re blurring everything that makes you, you. Flaws transform from weaknesses to strengths the moment you decide to embrace them. Imperfections aren’t just beautiful, they’re fun.

8. Laugh out loud, and not just through text messages.

How many times a day do you type LOL without actually laughing? Laughter is the elixir of life, so start LOLing IRL (in real life, all pun intended). Live in laughter, and not just virtually. Abbreviations are fit for texting, and laughter is fit for living. Flaunt your fun side and fully spell out everything that makes you, you!

If you have any questions, please contact me on 01202 743961 or 07957 672335 or visit my Contact Vanessa Page to book your complimentary True Worth Strategy Session.

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